So I’ve decided that this is a TERRIBLE time of year to have a serious flu outbreak. Seriously. All the allergy sufferers out there who have a particularly bad pollen day are probably freaking out wondering if they actually caught swine flu instead. I’ve never really had allergies before, but I’ve spent the last couple days feeling crabby with a sore throat, stuffy nose, itchy eyes, and just this morning my neck and back started hurting in this weird non-descript way. Maybe it’s meningitis! That would suck.
This just reminds me that currently the news is hyping the Swine Flu outbreak. Frankly it’s a little bit annoying. Yes, Swine Flu is a serious strain of flu. Yes it is dangerous to the very young and the elderly. Then again so is regular flu. This is just a more virulent strain that has a name the news stations can latch on to. I don’t want to underplay the significance of this virus, as it can and has killed many people- but something like 30,000 people die from flu every year anyway in the US alone! I mean Jesus! The news does their obligatory story every year about flu season and vaccinations and maybe it being risky for the old and sick. But this year the story got sexed up because a small Mexican child caught the flu from playing around pig farms. I’m looking forward to this all blowing over so we can get back to the normal news litany of sensationalism, hyperbole, and glaring inconsistency in stories reported on.
Also- I need more tissues. My nose is a beast lately. I’m hoping a shower and chilling and doing some laundry and maybe getting a haircut will make me feel better because I was hoping to go out tonight with my brother and some friends.
3 years ago
So I’m still in Boston, still plugging away at job searching and whatnot. I’m applying for a few internships right now actually. One is with a company that sells wind power technology. It’s right off the red line too so the commute wouldn’t be too unreasonable. Here’s hoping. This weekend was great as well. The weather was perfect, and I spent a fair amount of time outside enjoying it. Having a cigar on the back porch and reading the newest Dresden Files was extremely relaxing. Other than that though I think I need more hobbies. Suggestions?
3 years ago
So today I put the 4th and- God willing- last coat of paint on my aunt’s cabinets. Taking them from dark brown to white has been a time consuming and frustrating job, but I genuinely appreciate this type of support that I’ve been receiving from my family while I job hunt. Dropping out of law school was a hard decision. It was embarassing, it was disappointing, but ultimately it was the right thing. I just wish that finding a job wasn’t so God Damn hard! My family members have kept me busy and given me small infusions of cash by having me do housework and upkeep for them, and for that I’m grateful. Even if the money wasn’t involved it would at least be keeping me preoccupied so I wouldn’t focus so much on the general “blahness” that has become my life.
I remember being 19, feeling young, energetic, having someone I was in love with, and certain in the fact that I was going to dominate college and get a solid job. What that job would be I didn’t know, and I’m cursing that fact now. If I had gone to college with a more concrete plan maybe things would be different now; instead I’d gone gung-ho into psychology with the idea of being a sex therapist, and once I realized how much of a crock of shit psychology was it was too late to change majors.
All of this basically is just a roundabout way of saying that I feel more lost than I’ve ever felt before. I have no job, no prospects. I have no satisfactory living arrangement; I should be able to afford my apartment until the lease expires but then I’m moving back home- not the most ideal situation. I have no woman that I’m serious with, and the emptiness from losing Allysha is still there. It’s not at bad as it used to be, and I’ve grown accustomed to the idea that she’s not a part of my life anymore, but I haven’t found someone new yet and it kills me. Kelly is wonderful, and I enjoy our time together. But I just don’t feel the same raging chemistry, the electricity that my ex and I had. Partly this is a good thing. Allysha and I were incredibly volatile. We fought more than we loved, and only our chemistry kept us going as long as we did. It’s still a shock to find myself confronting the biggest and most stressful changes of my life so far and doing it alone. Even if Kelly and I got serious I can’t imagine it going anywhere. She’s a dedicated law school student at BU. I’m a schmuck without a job who will be moving back in with his parents in a few short months. Even if this wasn’t a dealbreaker for her it will still put me about an hour out of the city, and without and reasonable expectation of seeing her more than once a week if we make a concerted effort.
The title of this post is doldrums, and I guess it’s appropriate. It’s not summer yet, but I feel hot, claustrophobic, and trapped. I feel adrift and I can’t fill my sails. I try and I try, and all I get is silence from prospective employers. I hardly see my friends anymore, and when I do it’s like we’re just acquaintances. Maybe that’s partly growing up, but I’m damned sure it sucks. I want to be optimistic, but each day just makes it harder. I find solace where I can though, and right now that’s enough. I need to learn to appreciate what I do have- a loving family, my health, and a girl (friend??) who likes me for who I am now. I just hope I can improve and stay worthy of all the love being given to me.
3 years ago
So after months of reading the excellent blogs of the CH writers and staff I’ve decided to make a tumblr. Might be useful as a sounding board for ideas for anything I’m writing once I get some followers. Or not.
Either way it should be fun!
3 years ago
